Flaws...

I admire them who live for the sake of others.. I admire them who leave the materialistic world and be compassionate.. I admire them who love their enemies.. I admire them who try to save the world..

Until today, i still find myself at a state where.. I don't have the energy to please everybody.. I don't correct people when I think they're at fault, I end up in silence.. I don't even have the energy to speak if something is disagreeable bcos i think we always have the options to accept it or not in the end.. I believe one of the elements towards happiness is if we are not financially tight.. I have material desires and I am happy with it.. I still can't afford to forgive easily.. I am not kind to everybody, only to those who deserve it.. I say harsh words at times.. If I'm hurt, I hurt back.. I treat people the way they treat me.. I don't try to understand those I am not keen on.. I ignore what I want to ignore.. and the most important thing for me is my beliefs..

I am just this imperfect..

Isn't it obvious? I adore those people simply because they're less ignorant than me..

One of the famous shots during the world war,by photographer Huynh Cong Ut..

This is the related writing that i took in Eindhoven..

The children had just left the temple when
the jets dropped four barrels of napalm and
four bombs. The entire area was engulfed by
a gigantic ball of fire. X. was hit by drops of
napalm. Howling in pain and tearing off her
burning clothes in agony, she ran towards the
photographer's camera and straight into history.

Does anybody understand u...?

I hate it to hear "nobody understands me".. I hate it the most when someone feels that the world is so unfair for nobody understands him.. here's my thought.. first, please don't say it as if u're the most unfortunate person in this world.. if we're lucky, there may be a person or two who are willing to take their time to understand us.. again, if we are lucky.. that doesn't happen all the time in reality.. there are so many things in this world that can be taken care of, why do we have to choose to understand a particular person?

In an ideal world, there should always be understanding among human.. in an ideal world, there may not exist such things as starvation, murder or even simple fights between us and our friends.. but never an ideal world be real.. if nobody understands us, that is normal.. if somebody understands us, we're just lucky to have that person..

I know there are times when we think we have gone through more than others do.. again, that's just what we think.. it may not turn out to be that way in real.. how much do u think people don't understand u? that's just as much as u don't know about others too.. are we all not even?? aren't we?

Some ppl are definitely luckier.. sometimes u may even think they don't deserve the life they have, but that doesn't make u deserve what they have either.. even if u think u're the most miserable person in this world, that still doesn't mean u deserve their life.. if we think we're the most unfortunate one in a group.. I guess that's it.. most probably nobody can help us bcos we are already the most pathetic one, as we think..

Somebody said "nobody understands me" and I replied "so what??".. There are a lot of people out there that I can lend a hand to.. I'm definitely not one who pities this kind of person.. pardon me, but this is how nasty I can be..

One of my favourite shots, taken in the Netherlands while i was walking.. =P

Food Confessions...

I’ve had confessions to make.. =P these are some of the forbidden stuffs that I’ve been getting a lot lately..

The doctor said no chicken and eggs for the next 6 months to 1 year.. I nodded and said yes..

I finished this half a grilled chicken very brutally in Aachen.. =P

The doctor said, please avoid dust, dirt and smoke, especially cigarettes..

Within the past 3 months or so, I’ve been a very active passive-smoker.. this is what’s on the table whenever I sit in the café/restaurant..

No cold beverages, including drinks, ice cream and cold fruits.. i told the doctor it was easy since i wasn't a fan of cold beverages..

And.. I’ve become a fan of soft ice and gelato since my easter trip.. this spaghetti-like gelato was so heavenly good.. =) but before I finished the half of it, my throat started to be itchy.. =(

I’ve also been drinking cold cola, cold juices, cold beer, u name it.. and eating cold fruits..

No tea, coffee and milk.. i said to the doctor, not a big deal..

But this Italiano cappuccino, I'm loving it.. =P

Nonetheless, this new habit is what keeps me healthy.. now I kind of believe “an apple a day keeps doctor away”... =)

Actually one of the things that helps me fit into the European society is that.. they say it’s very rare for Asians to have allergy.. it’s the Europens who usually have it.. haha yea ritee.. but anyway, is that true??

Life’s so good when it comes to good food.. i'm just human, i can't resist the temptation.. =P

Ciao…

For city with everything...

When we walked out of the station, we're asked "want some vitamin?".. When we passed through one of the canals, we heard "wanna be strong?".. when we're checking out the Red Light District (landmark of the city) we're asked "wanna see sex live show??".. and when I swam in a crowded place, I smelled marijuana..

I was amazed.. "coffee shops" everywhere.. sex museums everywhere.. smart shops everywhere.. I couldn't help but smile when sightseeing the city.. It was amusing.. I was very surprised.. Think of any taboos.. u name it, they have it.. and they're all legal.. This big city offers such freedom no other places could ever afford to offer.. one word, unbelievable..

Like one dutch said to us, 'cos It's Amsterdam, baby..

Yeah, it's Amsterdam.. It did me no good, at all.. I can't believe what I had done there.. this is gonna be my last post here.. but before that, I just want to say, if u're asked to try, never try.. never do drugs.. after some time, u'll be dependent on it.. it's totally different from the disgust when u had ur first try.. it either makes u laugh at the slightest jokes, or pushes u into deep depression if u're sad in the first place.. but for sure u'll end up like me… posting ur very last post on ur blog..

I was looking and organizing my easter trip's pictures, searching for inspiration.. and writing about Amsie came into the picture afterwards.. well, I was tagged !! by this lady Jacq to write a post as if it's my last one.. and I should tag another 5 people.. but I think I ain't gonna do that.. I mean, u can't force somebody to be creative.. haha I was almost this close to not writing anything (and this post isn't a creative one either).. Nah, I always ran out of ideas when I deliberately pushed myself to write something..

So, gotcha?? (or not??)

Anyhow, Amsie was such a good place.. it was a unique trip.. but no, I'm not addicted to drugs!

When I heard abt the Virginia Tech massacre from a friend.. I thought it was just normal shooting incidents like those happened in the UK university that i heard or so.. curious about it, i read the Straits Times.. it broke my heart..

"There was not a shooting victim that did not have less than three bullet wounds in them", said Dr Joseph Cacioppo of Montgomery Regional Hospital.

My deepest condolence goes to all of the victims' family and friends..

The element of happiness...

There are four elements which are conducive to a man's happiness in this world. The third element is one should have good friends who are faithful, learned, virtuous, liberal and intelligent, who will help him along the right path away from evil.

On a bus ride to Keukenhof, in front of me were these two old ladies.. I found it interesting and i'll tell u why.. they looked just like the two teenagers who sat at the other side.. talking to each other, sometimes pointing outside the window, saying something in dutch, laughing.. taking care of each other, one asking another to be careful when alighting from the bus, holding hands at times.. not being a stalker, i bumped into them again inside the Keukenhof garden.. they were enjoying the indoor flower exhibition..

I was inside the bus with 2 friends, we did laugh at times.. and i was also inside the exhibition enjoying the beauty of the flowers.. what hit me was that, i did all that with 2 people i've known for less than a year (one of them, I just got to know that day).. and these two old ladies....... most probably they have been friends for.... 50 years maybe?? This kind of thing never failed to amaze me..

When our hair turns gray, when we need somebody to support us while walking, when we’re seventy.. we might need a good friend to do that together with us.. therefore, act as good one and find one while u breathe.. =)

I miss my grandmother...

When i was waiting at Köln Flughafen, my cousin and i overheard a conversation between an old lady and her two grandchildren, whom i supposed, were of the same age as mine.. She was talking in Deutsch.. telling the granddaughters that there were two bikes ready at home which they could use to ride around the city the next morning.. she looked so excited talking on and on, smiling at times.. the granddaughters looked a little annoyed though.. perhaps she was talking too loudly some people were looking.. i was, too.. i just thought it was beautiful..

I was too, like that.. i felt that i couldn't take it, to come back from school tired and should listen to my grandmother.. sometimes, she told me about the tv shows she just watched, which i had no clue at all about.. or the news she just heard, which also, i had no clue at all about.. to be frank, i was annoyed.. nonetheless, apart from all those, i missed her presence whenever i did not see her for some time.. no wonder, i had been living with her for almost my whole life.. she was the one who peeled apples and sent them to our room while we were studying.. she made sure the maids got our dinner ready before 7pm.. she took care of us whenever we were sick because our parents were at work..

Having gone through so many things, she's definitely tough.. i respect her, no matter what.. she could hardly remember what happened a year back but the amazing thing was, she remembered every single thing during the war times.. she told me the story, repeatedly.. but i did not get sick of it.. it was scary.. it was unbelievable that she survived.. and that slowly changed me.. i guessed she should be feeling lonely and bored.. why not? aged 84, spending almost all the days watching tv.. why not kept her companied for just a few hours?

Listened to her repeated stories would certainly not kill me, i told myself..

The Ferris Wheel...

When i came across this Big Wheel in Öcherbend this afternoon... i came to think that it resembled the wheel of life..

Imagine u're on the ride.. when u're down there, u're dying to see how the world looks like from up there... and it is true.. u feel very satisfied once u reach that height.. but at the same time, there's this feeling of fear... fear of falling down, fear of losing the excitement, fear of being replaced.. nonetheless the wheel keep turning no matter what.. it becomes even more and more intense...some people crying out of fear, some screaming like going insane, some asking for more... all of them facing the fear and excitement, either alone or with friends..

People talk about it after the ride.. some laugh at one another, some try to calm their friends, some brought to standstill.. others might see u differently after the game.. u're judged if u're strong enough.. questioned if u dare to come back and take another round of challenge.. or choose to just play merry-go-round instead bcos it's much safer and doesn't give a big change of feeling from time to time..

This is what life does to us... we all hate to fail, or be disappointed.. but ironically, even in a blissful zone, we're somehow still overwhelmed with fears... it can be just a simple nightmare in slumber, but somehow, it ruins the whole good mood the next morning.. fear that thing would just get back to the time before we get to know a little bit of happiness.. or fear that we're still not over it..

In that case, I always think that i just need to learn one thing.. namely, the art of walking away...